Pride Month is here, and we wish all of you the best month of protests, parties, perversions, and provocations. No matter what kind of feelings come up for you during Pride, know that one of us probably feels the same. You arenāt alone in your joy, despair, fear, or excitement. Today, weāve got a couple of Pride reflections from two of our team members, Vico Ortiz and Lauren Klein, so you know itās freak flag time. If youāre asking, where are Nay Bever and Jasmin Savoy Brown? Donāt worry, reflections part 2 is coming your way on Monday. š š³ļøāš
Vico:
Iāve been doing a lot of shadow work around shame and Iām not gonna lie, it is very uncomfortable as it resurfaces many things where my knee jerk reaction is to hide them. Hereās the thingā¦ shame grows in secrecy and isolation. When we begin to share ourselves fully, to either our own selves and other people and we begin to hold these shadows within our light and integrate them with care and tendernessā¦ we find joy, we find compassion and we find pride. Pride is the opposite of shame and joy and pleasure are our medicine to heal the loneliness that oftentimes shame brings us. And listen, I am human. I still experience shame and I also love being proud of who I am/who I am becoming and who I wasā¦ even if there were times that I shamed myself just because I was afraid of āwhat will they say.ā When I extend that version of myself forgiveness and compassion, I begin to witness that shame with different eyes/heart/mind and transmute it into pride. While I acknowledge I still experience shame, I also know that I cannot change myself (sustainably) through shame.Ā
Pride is an opportunity to step in our power (however that looks like). To put into practice elevating each other and strengthen our collective energies to nurture safe places within ourselves and each other to heal and grow.Ā
I know things feel so depleting right nowā¦ and I also know we are so incredibly magical. Something about seeing someone fully embodying everything that makes them ~them~ is truly a spiritual experience. It is seeing an alignment of all the contradictions that somehow work together because they are loving and tending to every single one of them and allowing for the discovery of more with genuine curiosity. It is infectious and illuminating to witness. I love pride month and I love every single time I get to be in community. These moments nourish my soul and allow me to celebrate everything that makes me, me. No matter how chaotic, messy and confusingā¦ At the end of the day I am witnessing my/our humanity and that is sublime. That is what I came here to do. Happy Pride bbsā¦. I wanna see your freak flag flyyyyy!
LK:
My first time attending any sort of Pride parade was the summer before my senior year at Juilliard. I was staying in the city over the summer to work my work-study job (the mail room and painting the hallways lol) and also gig around the cityšŗ. Despite having zero affection for the muggy city weather, I enjoyed the empty halls of my school and the slightly slower summer pace of the city. Plus, I was about to turn 21 just days after NYC pride events wrapped up. Yes, you are safe to assume that I was having a really fun time, the entire NYC Pride week leading up to my birthdayā¦ šš„ I remember attending A LOT of pride events, wanting to see and be part of everything. And girl, I was!
In future summers, Pride was getting to share the experience with my sister. And in even later summers, getting cropped into the experience while I was out of town, when she was sharing it with our roommate (lol)
One of my favorite things about Pride Month is that itās something you can celebrate and feel by simply existing. Obviously, there are parades and marches, and parties and events (if thatās your sorta thing). But unlike other holidays, where you are subjected to a singular date ā Pride Month rolls on all month long, allowing for life to roll along with it. I enjoy looking back at all the ways my Pride Month has looked, changed and evolved throughout the years. While my interest in attending the type of Pride events I attended when I was 21 has certainly shifted, that certain feeling I feel every June has only grown.
Pride throughout the years has looked like:
Moving from NYC āļø PDX
Not going to literally any official Pride events and just going to get ice cream and eating it on the curb
Pandemic edition: caught under a rainbow with my lilā quarantine pod bestie!
Whatever it is you are doing this month that allows you to live and breathe and to feel that pride for who you are, do it. Truly whatever it is, I love that for you. Remember that the š¤”losersš¤” we talk about constantly on the show literally spend hundreds of millions of dollars trying to suppress that pride (amongst many other thingsā¦ā¦) Anything you are doing this month to keep that alive is a celebration in my book! š§±
More Pride musings coming this Monday!ā¦.
(drink lots of water!)
Inspired by what Vico said, Iāve found one of the best ways to heal from self-shame is seeing reflections of yourself (including those parts you may hold shame about) in other people, loving those people fiercely, and seeing them be loved by others around them. It can be hard to jump from feeling shame about yourself to loving those parts of you, but when you see other people loving themselves and being loved (for, and not despite those things), itās proof that that very same love is out there for you! (Iām saying āyouā but this is very much my own experience, so perhaps I should be using first person instead š ). Thank you for sharing this vulnerable process, and Iām rooting for you to keep facing that shame with empathy and courage!
And Lauren, I loved your reflections on what pride can be, and how pride can change over time. Pride can be a protest, a celebration, a shared meal with a loved one, or just staying alive through all of this. Thank you for illustrating that through your wonderful memories!
Happy Pride, yall š
Yall gonna be at dyke day?