We’re back with more of our Pride thoughts, y’all! Today, we’ve got some incredible Jasmin lore and Nay keeps it real about some hard pride feelings.
We’ll be back tomorrow with our regular Tuesday episode! We also have something incredible cooking up for this coming Thursday, so stay tuned.
Nay:
Every time Pride month rolls around, my mommy issues flare up. I go to events and see shirts that say “Free Mom hugs” and I weep and I see signs that say “I love my gay kid” and I weep. I grieve not having a parent show up for me in that way. I know a lot of us can relate to that.
I don’t know my dad well enough to know his opinion on queer things but I know what my mom thinks about it. In spite of what she thinks, we do not have a completely severed relationship. I believe I’d be well within my right to never talk to her again. I would never have a friend that believes what she does. But, for whatever reason, intrinsic to who I am or because of some evolutionary curse, I still seek out my mom in certain ways and will probably always yearn for total acceptance from her. I will never get that from her. I have hope for some people but I do not have hope for her.
I live somewhere in the space where my mom loves a lot of things about me but she also hates some things about me. It breaks my heart that one of the biggest and most beautiful things that makes me be me, we never talk about it. She doesn’t even really know me if she doesn’t know my queerness. Let me stop before I incite a fresh existential crisis.
Anyway, I’m excited to celebrate pride this year, maybe more than ever before. Pride, protest, party, perversion, enjoy it, y’all.
Jasmin:
When I was 17, I lived in New York City for the summer and attended a Musical Theatre intensive at (the now defunct) CAP21 Conservatory. (Side note: Lady Gaga also attended CAP21 years before me and apparently we had the same ballet teacher!)
Our placement auditions happened over a long hot summer day in an old building with bad AC, so the windows were open and the sounds of New York summer busted through. It was loud. Extremely loud! A lot of music, a LOT of laughter, a looooot of joy... I remember peeking out the window to see bodies for miles as people walked on stilts, juggled, danced and kissed... people of the same gender! 😱🫢🫣
I was horrified and titillated. I'd heard of Pride but had never been so close. I kept my head down, danced (badly), sang (ok) and acted (decently) until 5pm, but all day my curiosity remained outside. What did it feel like down there? What must it be like to kiss a girl? Why is that a sin? LOL. When we were dismissed, despite my lingering desire to join the fun, I walked to my dorm and read my Bible.
Two years later I attended my first pride parade as an ally👼🏾, two years after that I came out, and one year after that I WALKED in a pride parade (with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence in LA)! I share this story to say, wherever you are in your Pride journey is perfect. If your relationship to Pride is curious thoughts in your head, attending as an "ally," or organizing the march in your town, you are right where you are meant to be. Be true to yourself, take your own pace, and know that the joy on the street is yours to enjoy. Up close or from afar, that music is for you.
And now I am doing something I swore I'd never do and sharing my godforsaken audition for CAP21 publicly.
*Jessica Nagy this is for you! I still over pronounce my consonants smh.
Happy Pride everyone! Lot’s of exciting things coming from TiG this week!
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